“Going on an interview on your Mehndi Day? What kind of mom you will be to your future kids?”
“Joining back work when your kid is hardly 3 months? Do you have a heart to feel?”
“Travelling for work ? Why would you pick up such job?”
“Poor child where is he when you are at work”
“Why you decided to have a kid when you are hardly around?”
“Why do you have to go to Doctor appointment for a 6 months old in office timings”
“Do you cook home cooked meals for your toddler? Oh forgot you work 6 days a week!!”
“You want to study more leaving your kid for a year? What kind of mother you are?”
“Do you have a heart to be a mom?”
“May be if you were around more you wouldn’t have missed so much”
“Thanks God your husband is good with kids else I cant think of the poor child you leave behind.”
“You stay at home still you order a pizza for lunch time? What do you do with all this time?”
“Why do you need a “me time” when you have all
“You are so strong I can’t think of leaving my kid like you do”
These sentences might seem familiar to some well to me it has been the story of my life.
Yes I was the girl who went for a job interview on Mehndi and got the job too. I have travelled for work, I have taken a year for my masters and stayed in a different continent alone leaving my husband and kid in Pakistan.
I have travelled local and international for work. I have missed parent teacher’s meetings and missed few milestones too. Taken my kid along at work trips on working Saturday’s too. Was highlighted several times at work for being away when my kid needed me or was sick. I am not projecting my achievements/weakness here but telling that everything comes with a price. I have had my phases of SAHM too but that too had its mom shaming stories. It’s like we are walking on a straight knife no matter which side we pick.
What is Mom Shame?
Mom Shaming is a term that follows you even before most of us are a mom. Young girls in our side of the world are being judged on their actions by giving a reference to future” what kind of mom you will be if you are doing this now”. No matter you are a Working Mom or a SAHM(Stay At Home Mom), mom shaming comes with the package. As soon as you are a mom… you are being judged by society, family, friends and other moms on the criteria set by others on how good you are doing is a mom. Mommy war zones are dangerous.
Mom Shaming in Social Media Age:
The social media has made good things better and better thing worst with just a little spice and hype. Gone are the days when Mom Shame was just done in school parking, parent teacher meeting, play dates in playground or the family meetups. The global presence in the world of Social Media has given right to anyone and everyone to question your parental choices. Even celebrities are being attacked and have been under the fire for living their lives the same way after being a parent.
The haters group can easily access anyone on the Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter or Instagram can be rude and send their negative remarks that can make life hell for them.
We all post our kids pictures and talk about our lives on social media which means every post is open for criticism. Criticism can target your birth choice, what you feed the, how you carry them , how you dress them, how you let them play indoor or outdoor and why are or aren’t you a stay at home mum(SAHM). Unwanted advice is all over the place.
How do you respond to Mom Shaming?
It’s not easy especially if you are a first -time mom. I am in the mom zone since last 11 years now and I would confess that it affected me more in the start as I didn’t have that thick skin as I do now. As a
Here are some things I have have
Being a mom no matter you have one kid or more is an exhausting full-time job. Which needs a lot of patience and consistency. Understanding that not all kids are same therefore it’s not necessary for all the mothers/ to be same. Every mom is right in her own way it’s just a different parenting style. Therefore stop comparing yourself if you are doing it because you have just come across someone who you think is being more perfect at the mom-job than you. Being kind to yourself is the first key to deal with the dilemma of mom shame
Speak about how you feel. If the person shaming is of my age I would speak up clearly that I don’t need to be taught on what kind of mother I have to me. My Kids My Way!!! Another important thing is to defend other moms being mom shamed
Thanks but No Thanks
Strangers are the category you should least care about. Specially in the public places and gatherings where you don’t know 80% of the crowd. Thanks but No thanks for the suggestion is the answer.
What I cook? What I feed my child? Why I work? How I access daycare? The last time I checked me and my husband were paying for the grocery not you. So all those who have their long noses to interfere on your life style needs to be told so do that to keep yourself cool.
Stay quiet and rant later to those who get it
If its some elder doing it that I respect and know that the old school of thought would conform to the idea of ideal parenting in their times. I would just listen. Stay quiet and aren’t it later to my husband or a friend who knows me well
Sometimes they don’t say it but you know what they are saying
Be with the like-minded parents
Selecting people in your circle who don’t drain you is important but it is more important when you are a parent. Every time you have a social hangout with negative parents you bring that negative vibe to your home and share with your younger ones.
Have you ever been mom shamed? Was it in Person or on Social Media? How did you cope up with it?
#ayazeem #mumshaming #mumshame # momshaming #mumlife #mumlifeinsocialmedia #howtodealwithmumshaming #workingmum #sahm #stayathomemum
And at the end. Live your own life. I have eventually come to a point where i prefer not explaining myself to anyone. Those who need an explanation for your actions will always have an inbuilt series of replies and if yours doesn’t match their criteria no matter what logic you produce it won’t be enough. Secondly, YOU are the one to live with and face the consequences of your actions so do what you want to do head on and with full responsibility. It’s your life after all..
True that. At the end of the day, it’s you who knows the best for your kids. Loved your contribution Sadaf:)
End of the day…as a parent we just try to do what is best for our children. We should all remember that
Yes Audrey. You do You and it will be the best. Thanks for your feedback.
Very on point! We need to speak up more about this. Mom shaming, specially when. It comes from your close friends and family can sting!
True that Sana. Sometimes it gets hard to explain this to people who are too close because Mom shaming comes from them too.
Very well said.. This society will always judge you no matter what. We can’t change others but we can make a slight difference by changing our approach and teaching our children about it. What we dont like for ourselves we should never do that to others.. Is the best approach for me.
Thanks Sara. Yes cant agree more.