How To Deal With Mom Shaming?

“Going on an interview on your Mehndi Day? What kind of mom you will be to your future kids?”

“Joining back work when your kid is hardly 3 months? Do you have a heart to feel?”

“Travelling for work ? Why would you pick up such job?”

“Poor child where is he when you are at work”

“Why you decided to have a kid when you are hardly around?”

“Why do you have to go to Doctor appointment for a 6 months old in office timings”

“Do you cook home cooked meals for your toddler? Oh forgot you work 6 days a week!!”

“You want to study more leaving your kid for a year? What kind of mother you are?”

“Do you have a heart to be a mom?”

“May be if you were around more you wouldn’t have missed so much”

“Thanks God your husband is good with kids else I cant think of the poor child you leave behind.”

“You stay at home still you order a pizza for lunch time? What do you do with all this time?”

“Why do you need a “me time” when you have all time by yourself at work/home ?”

“You are so strong I can’t think of leaving my kid like you do”

These sentences might seem familiar to some well to me it has been the story of my life. 

Yes I was the girl who went for a job interview on Mehndi and got the job too. I have travelled for work, I have taken a year for my masters and stayed in a different continent alone leaving my husband and kid in Pakistan. 

I have travelled local and international for work. I have missed parent teacher’s meetings and missed few milestones too. Taken my kid along at work trips on working Saturday’s too. Was highlighted several times at work for being away when my kid needed me or was sick. I am not projecting my achievements/weakness here but telling that everything comes with a price. I have had my phases of SAHM too but that too had its mom shaming stories. It’s like we are walking on a straight knife no matter which side we pick. 

What is Mom Shame?

Mom Shaming is a term that follows you even before most of us are a mom. Young girls in our side of the world are being judged on their actions by giving a reference to future” what kind of mom you will be if you are doing this now”. No matter you are a Working Mom or a SAHM(Stay At Home Mom), mom shaming comes with the package. As soon as you are a mom… you are being judged by society, family, friends and other moms on the criteria set by others on how good you are doing is a mom. Mommy war zones are dangerous.

Mom Shaming in Social Media Age:

The social media has made good things better and better thing worst with just a little spice and hype. Gone are the days when Mom Shame was just done in school parking, parent teacher meeting, play dates in playground  or the family meetups. The global presence in the world of Social Media has given right to anyone and everyone to question your parental choices. Even celebrities are being attacked and have been under the fire for living their lives the same way after being a parent.

The haters group can easily access anyone on the Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter or Instagram can be rude and send their negative remarks that can make life hell for them. 

We all post our kids pictures and talk about our lives on social media which means every post is open for criticism. Criticism can target  your birth choice, what you feed the, how you carry them , how you dress them, how you let them play indoor or outdoor and why are or aren’t you a stay at home mum(SAHM). Unwanted advice is all over the place.

How do you respond to Mom Shaming?

It’s not easy especially if you are a first -time mom. I am in the mom zone since last 11 years now and I would confess that it affected me more in the start as I didn’t have that thick skin as I do now. As a result I re-evaluated every decision I took in my life back then, I lost few good friends too but I don’t regret it now. Being a working mom can be rough on you as expectations from career and motherhood comes your way at the same time and only you are the one making a choice. But SAHM faces the same challenges because of unrealistic expectations from her because she is home all day. I have had the flavor of both but haven’t had the experience of social media mom shame yet(who knows it will come soon).

Here are some things I have have learnt over years on combating with Mom Shaming

Be Kind to Yourself

Being a mom no matter you have one kid or more is an exhausting full-time job. Which needs a lot of patience and consistency. Understanding that not all kids are same therefore it’s not necessary for all the mothers/ to be same. Every mom is right in her own way it’s just a different parenting style. Therefore stop comparing yourself if you are doing it because you have just come across someone who you think is being more perfect at the mom-job than you. Being kind to yourself is the first key to deal with the dilemma of mom shame.

Nip The Sh*t In the Bud!!!

Speak about how you feel. If the person shaming is of my age I would speak up clearly that I don’t need to be taught on what kind of mother I have to me. My Kids My Way!!! Another important thing is to defend other moms being mom shamed infront of you too because being silent in such moments makes you part of the lobby doing it.

Thanks but No Thanks

Strangers are the category you should least care about. Specially in the public places and gatherings where you don’t know 80% of the crowd. Thanks but No thanks for the suggestion is the answer.

You don’t pay for my Grocery Do you?

What I cook? What I feed my child? Why I work? How I access daycare? The last time I checked me and my husband were paying for the grocery not you. So all those who have their long noses to interfere on your life style needs to be told so do that to keep yourself cool.

Stay quiet and rant later to those who get it

If its some elder doing it that I respect and know that the old school of thought would conform to the idea of ideal parenting in their times. I would just listen. Stay quiet and aren’t it later to my husband or a friend who knows me well.

Smile the Ludicrous Smile

Sometimes they don’t say it but you know what they are saying caz you have “Mom Ears”. So just smile the smile that shows you know what they said. Wear that mom crown confidently and walk the ramp of life.

Be with the like-minded parents

Selecting people in your circle who don’t drain you is important but it is more important when you are a parent. Every time you have a social hangout with negative parents you bring that negative vibe to your home and share with your younger ones.

Have you ever been mom shamed? Was it in Person or on Social Media? How did you cope up with it?

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