What do you know about home? People, who choose to live overseas?
That’s just not a dialogue but a question you come across several times …sometimes it’s put into words while other times it’s the behaviors that ask you this question…. because you once made a choice based on the rationale to move away from your country of origin.
While immigration is a very common idea for those born abroad as they believe more in the nomadic moves to explore new worlds, birds immigrate every season to survive but as a human when we opt for another country as a homeland it’s a different idea altogether. As ineffable as it can be… it gets harder to express how you feel about it.
The day I landed back to visit… my allergies were all back to see me as they would come this time of the year if I lived here…. as if they were waiting for me for 14 months ….my skin was getting used to the old environment going through weather changes however the thing that was taking more labor was what was inside that skin…..it wasn’t getting used to all that I had left for a reason.
Not sure how a homeless would feel? but I sure know now how homeless you feel when you are an immigrant and visit “back home”….you always refer to the country of origin as ” back home” … but when you step on the same land back…..how foreign are you treated by the same people because you made a choice to go “Away”!!!! How difficult it gets to relate to a lot of the stuff no matter how alien you have been throughout your life. Welcome, You just became an “official alien” in the country.
The same paths you have crossed all your life bring u the pain and nostalgia of not being here but at the same time a sigh of relief too because you are here just for the days. Sad but true the same paths of happiness once can be a source of sadness. No matter what epoch these roads have been your partner in crime they look at you with some nefarious sense of strangeness.
The relatability to process a simple information at times becomes an exhaustive task because your neo-cortex in the brain is trained to deal with situations other than just basic and you think how this small issue is actually an issue worth it to talk about it for 30 minutes.
When you say that why people don’t value other people’s time….or worth? your local mates can laugh at you that what were you thinking when you complained? And you know some people have mastered the art of defenestration.
The serenity you broadcast in the global world can go down the drain when little things can make you lose temper in your homeland…..! while you were progressing in behavioral theories to accept the cultural diversity in the other world….you thought people back home will accept you the same as you were before…but that’s a false thought!
When in the conversation you say how much you miss your home…. a mocking laughter haunts you for next few hours that how does that country where you are in minority …became your home…. but indeed it did and you miss it and count the days to be back to your comfort place. But only you know inside how much you missed the petrichor after rain that only comes from your land of origin. One smell and the gazillion nostalgic moments of your childhood and the era gone.
Questioned by the people if you are really happy in the foreign land? not sure if your “YES” is going to be more criticized or your “NO”. Because happiness is subjective but what’s the point of having a debate on that…. you give up saying “yes” because norms have changed your mind and life over the period of time. The epiphany of no matter what you say criticism will follow has had happened in your life many times.
You might seem adaptable to most of the people but you know inside what a selective mingler you have become over time…. because you tried making your home away from home ..that is an emotional struggle for a lifetime.
For how many times you made a choice not to share your opinion not because you didn’t have one but because how it would be nothing but an exhaustive argument with those who might not see for few years ahead.
The essence of the time is just breathing it ALL in, the moments, the queer thoughts, the endless questions, you always knew it would never be rainbows but you just didn’t know there would be so much dust that would take years to settle, some closures you need with your own self to move on.
However, you know these days are ephemeral and soon you will plug back into the life you opted for another continent hours and miles apart…and one day you will just see these memoirs …. creating illusions of what events stayed in your hard-wired brain.
The denouement of a narrative is the acceptance that yes you are the hybrid living in two countries considered a foreigner in both, where your later place of residence will give you all the rights and benefits of being a citizen. You will always be emotionally homeless in a place you called home once, your place of origin. The “back home” phrase is a myth…. Your home is where you are now.
The time, people and life went are no more than the phosphenes of light that you see while you rub your eyes to wake up to get back to life…..!