How many times we feel our heart pounding against our body and in that freaking fractional moment either we lose or win. That one moment can strengthen us for the lifetime ahead or make us meager to go on with it. And I knew when I felt that one, I thought my heart would stop but it never did. That made me a tougher yet frailest person on this Earth to bear that loss.
Since you have gone no one has ever tried to fill the void you created in my life. Even if someone ever tried I am certain no one can help me detangle my thoughts and help me get out of the concrete jungle I am lost in without you.
I still feel your hands in my hand as they were on the last day when you left me. I chase that moment like many others down the memory lane and it makes me feel braver than I was with you at that time. I miss your eyes staring at me when I am in the abyss to bring me back to where I belong. When I zone out while being in the crowd, they don’t know why I withdraw to reach you to recharge myself. Because in the longest day and remotest times your voice in my head keeps me going; though it makes me a renegade to the reality around me.
I remember, you used to complain being sleepless all night long and now when I am sleepless; you just step into me and make me go over the good days of our life together and this acts like a lullaby I never heard from you and I end up having a calm sleep. When I hear, someone says they saw you in their dream and explain it…. I wonder why I never get fortunate enough?
Everyone needs a soundboard in their head or life to get the answers to reach where they want in life. Every experience of my life with you is entrenched in my memory and whenever I am in an impasse; you are my soundboard. I think what would you have said if I opted for solution A or B. Ardently I find a solution with your voice in my head about all life hacking stuff I need. Because you taught me about life by investing your life in mine 9 to none throughout years in your own way.
You still make me feel like a little girl I was and how I would pull the stunts to grasp your attention. In this faded realm of mine where I go back to you many times in a day to get on with the life like a resurrected combatant every day.
You are my SOUL-UTION to everything I ever needed. You were the best and I was lucky to have you as my MOM.
May your soul rest in peace Amin.